


Fly you clever girl and Forget

by Phoebmonster



Category: Doctor Who (2005)
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-06-17
Updated: 2013-06-17
Packaged: 2017-12-15 07:38:49
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,596
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/846994
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Phoebmonster/pseuds/Phoebmonster
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Ignore the pretentious title - Set after The Name of the Doctor, where Clara never fully recovered from the trip in the time stream. Or just angst, angst and more angst.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Fly you clever girl and Forget

I'm Clara Oswald. I'm the impossible girl, and I was born to save the Doctor. I'm scattered through every point on every star system in every galaxy, living and dying for the Doctor. I've saved him so many times and just this once, he saved me. The real me. And now I can live my real life, travel with the Doctor, have adventures ... But it comes at a price. Doesn't it always? I am Clara Oswald and I am lost and alone. I don't know where I am. Where am I?  
The Doctor was underneath the TARDIS console, replacing some busted wiring. He'd taken Strax, Jenny and Vastra back home and was just using some free time, whilst Clara was asleep in a little side room, to do some repairs. Then he heard her scream. The Doctor panicked, raced up the stairs and tripped over the console room floor to reach the door at the far end. Clara was sat up in bed, screaming and crying, twisting the bed sheets in her fists. The Doctor jumped down the stairs and onto her bed, holding her tight. He could feel the tears soaking his shirt as Clara cried into his chest. "I don't know where I am!" She sobbed. "Please Doctor, I don't where I am!" A flash of despair crossed the Doctors features and he held her tighter. "Clara, you're right here in the TARDIS. Nothing can hurt you here, I promise." After a while, the sobs subsided and Clara looked up at the Doctor. Her eyes were red and her face was snaked with tear tracks. She shuffled a bit so she could sit side by side with the Doctor and rested her head against his shoulder. "I was in the Dalek asylum." She all but whispered. "I died. I felt it Doctor - I've died so many times. It hurts, doesn't it? “The Doctor rubbed her back and Clara could have sworn she felt tears falling onto her hands. It took her a little while to realise those were her tears. The Doctor hugged her tighter and when he spoke his voice was detached and alone. "It does, doesn't it? But you shouldn't have to remember it - I'm so sorry, Clara. I really am." Clara looked up and saw how old he looked. Not in his face, but in his eyes. They were the eyes of a man who'd seen too much. Clara shuffled round and got back under the covers. "Sorry Doctor. I think I'll be fine now." The Doctor stood up and smiled at her. "I'll be right outside if you need me." As the Doctor shut the door, he slid to the floor of the console room and buried his head in his hands. What had he done to Clara?  
Over the next few days, the Doctor made repairs to the TARDIS so they could take Clara home. Taking Clara anywhere was very difficult for the TARDIS as Clara was in quite a lot of places at once and meeting another version of herself would be catastrophic, so the Doctor needed the TARIS in the right shape before she could go anywhere. Clara helped by holding cables and bringing him tea at the right moments. The TARDIS was now being civil to Clara as she knew what Clara had done, but it didn't stop the kitchen being a different rearrangement every time she went in. The Doctor had also noticed one subtle difference with Clara and he assumed the TARDIS had picked up on it too. Clara was afraid. Her hands shook slightly and she made tea, she would cry when she thought the Doctor couldn't see her and her eyes looked like the eyes of a child afraid of the dark. What she had done had undoubtedly saved the Doctor but it had come at a terrible cost. And the Doctor was at a loss. Point him at a Dalek or a Cyberman and he could defeat it, but how do you defeat the demons in your own head? He hadn't been able to figure it out and he had been able to think it over for hundreds of years. Clara now had those same demons in a much shorter space of time and it was killing her. And the Doctor didn't know what to do.  
When everything was complete, the Doctor jumped up to the TARDIS console and started to push levers and button, almost at random. Clara walked in and the Doctor gave her his biggest grin. "Slight change of plan Clara, I just need to pop back to Victorian London, need to check something with Jenny..." Clara's face fell and she leant back on the railings. The Doctor moved round cautiously and placed a hand gently on her arm. "Are you alright?" He almost whispered it. "No!" screamed Clara. "No Doctor, take me home now!" Clara's eyes were wild as she flung herself towards the TARDIS console, pushing buttons and flicking switches. "No no no no, Clara stop it!  
Please, stop it!" The Doctor grabbed her round the waist and tried to pull her away, she screamed an inhumane noise, sparks flew as the TARDIS tipped alarmingly and Clara pushed the Doctor back. The Doctor smacked his head on the railings and blacked out. The TARDIS hurtled down before landing with an almighty crash. As the Doctor came to, he reached a hand behind his head and felt blood, hot and sticky, soaking into his hair. He got up, testing his balance gingerly, and surveyed the damage. Cables were hanging loose and sparks flew from the fizzing console. The only light was flashing red emergency lighting and in the semi- darkness he could see a hunched figure with her back against the door. Clara had her face in her hands and was crying quietly. She could have easily been in a red dress with her back to the door she had dreamed for herself because her truth was too terrible. Clara slowly lowered her hands and looked at the Doctor through helpless eyes. "I'm a monster, aren't I?" She spoke in a near whisper. The Doctor swallowed and walked slowly over to her, not moving his eyes away from her trembling form. "You're no monster Clara, you've just seen too much. No-one should have to remember dying, especially not over and over through every conceivable point in space and time. And it's all my fault and I'm sorry." He reached her and held her close, letting her cry into his shirt again. He heard a creaking sound and looked up to see the doors open and the faces of Jenny, Vastra and Strax looking down on him and Clara. "Help me." He whispered before the blackness closed back around him and he was unconscious.  
Clara woke to find herself in a small room with plain white walls and a dark wooden floor. The bed she lay in was a little wooden four-poster with faded roses on the bed sheets. The room was furnished with a large bookcase and a chest of draws and a rocking chair. In the rocking chair sat Jenny. Her eyes were intently focused in the book in front of her and her lips moved slightly as she formed the words she was reading. When Clara tried to get up, Jenny was by her side in a flash, gently pushing her back down. "Sorry Miss Clara, but you've 'ad quite a shock. Just lay down for a bit now, that's it."  
"Where's the Doctor?"  
"He's downstairs discussing matters with Madame Vastra."  
"Can I see him?" Clara's voice was so sad and lonely; Jenny felt terrible telling her no. "Sorry Miss Clara. He said he'd come see you later. Listen, do you wanna listen to me read? I'm getting good." Clara nodded and settled back down in the covers. Jenny dragged the chair over to the bed and started to read. "Great Ex-pec ... Expectations by Charles D-Dickens. Chapter One..."  
The Doctor and Vastra sat opposite each other in the sitting room, surrounded by heavy-leafed plants and dark wood furniture. The Doctor scratched at the bandage which Strax had used to cover up his wound and Vastra looked at him sadly. "I know why you're here Doctor. I didn't expect our last escapade to go without consequences." The Doctor shook his head sadly. "She's just ... She's not herself and if I can't fix this, she'll just be an echo like the rest of them. I've broken her." Vastra leaned forward and placed her hands on her knees. "You have to consider, Doctor, taking the kind of action which would be difficult for you both. I can't imagine what you have lost over time but you have to consider losing another." The Doctor rubbed his forehead in thought. "She'll never agree to it - she's too stubborn."  
"Well make her agree or do it without telling her! She can't survive like this and you know it!" The Doctor flinched and Vastra regained control. "Forgive me. But you must see Doctor - a life without remembering is better than a life where she can't stop remembering. You need to keep her safe, whatever the cost." The Doctor sighed and stood up, brushing down his suit and adjusting his bow-tie. He sighed and turned to walk up the stairs. He always hated goodbyes.  
As the Doctor and Vastra entered the room, Jenny stopped reading and smiled. "Hello Doctor! I've just been reading to Clara here..." She tailed off when she saw their sombre expressions. "Is everything alright?" The Doctor couldn't reply and Vastra reached out a hand to Jenny. "Come along my dear. I have some explaining to do..." They left the room and the Doctor sat on the end of Clara's bed. She sat up slowly and gently took hold of his hand. "I have a go don't I?" The Doctor couldn't look her in the eye as he nodded sadly. "Going through time like that - it was bound to have consequences. I'm sorry - but I'm going to have to make you forget. Return you to your old life." The Doctor forced himself to look up to see the tears overflowing down her cheeks. "I'm sorry Clara, but there really is no other way..."  
“I know Doctor. It's just ... What will you do? The universe is an awfully big place if you don't have a friend..." The Doctor reached round and hugged her close. After a while, Clara pushed back and composed herself. "Well, I guess it's time for goodbyes. Jenny, Vastra, you can come back in now." Strax came in first, followed by Vastra who was holding Jenny's hand. She had obviously explained everything to her as Jenny's face was streaked with tears. Strax came forward and ruffled Clara's hair with his huge hand. "Well, fleshy human boy, it was nice to see you and I enjoyed engaging in combat for you. You are one of the few primitives I do not want to dissolve with acid grenades." The Doctor grinned. "That's a compliment - in a roundabout sort of way." Vastra was next, kneeling down and grasping Clara's free hand. "Thank you. Thank you for saving them - I will remember you always." Clara could see Vastra was trying not to cry as she got up and turned away, and that almost made it worse. Jenny rushed forwards and bundled Clara in a hug. "Thanks for saving my life. I'm sorry it had to end like this..." Jenny pulled back sadly and allowed herself to be led out the room by Vastra. Strax stood, alert in the corner. Vastra poked her head back round the door, coughed, and motioned for Strax to leave too. He took the hint after a while and soon Clara and the Doctor were alone again. "I'm ready." Clara couldn't quite keep the tremble out of her voice as she said, "Will it hurt?"  
"Not a bit." The Doctor smiled and held out a small metal capsule. "I'll inject this and it should get to work within about 30 seconds. It'll remove all your memories of me and put them in this pocket watch." He held up a silver pocket watch on a chain. "I'll keep the watch. It'll also work for anyone else who knows me, like Angie and Arty, when you make eye contact with them when you wake up." While he was talking, he pressed the capsule against her arm. Clara felt the numbness sweeping up her arm. She smiled drowsily and looked at the Doctor. "Well, I guess this is goodbye. We had fun, didn't we! I guess I'll - yawn - see... you ... around..." Clara's eyes fluttered back into her head and she fell back onto the pillow. The Doctor reached down and kissed her gently on the forehead. "We did. Thank you Clara, my impossible girl."  
Today was a weird day for Clara. She'd woken up feeling incredibly drained, like she'd been through a storm and was washed up on a beach somewhere. She was also incredibly sad, a kind of all-encompassing sadness when you lose someone you love. She hadn't felt like this since ... well, since her mum died. The second odd this that had happened was a huge parcel was sat on her chest of drawers, wrapped in dark blue paper. Clara had no idea how it got there and she had asked Arty and Angie but they didn’t know either (they didn’t seem to think it was more important than watching the TV.) Clara opened it apprehensively but inside there was a whisk, a bunch of travel magazines, a copy of Great Expectations, a lottery ticket and exactly eight packets of Jammy Dodgers. Clara picked up the lottery ticket, ran downstairs and switched the TV to the news. Hushing the annoyed noises from the kids, she went onto the red button. That was the next weird thing that happened that day – Clara won £35,000 on the lottery.  
A few weeks later, Clara had said goodbye to her sort of family and started to walk to the end of her road to wait for the taxi to the airport. She couldn’t believe how lucky she was – finally, a chance to do what she’d always wanted – she was visiting all the places in the book her mum gave her, starting with America. Clara walked purposely down the road, her head full of plans and ideas of where to go and what she should see… the effect was ruined when she bumped into a young man wearing a tweed jacket and a bow tie. He had dropped a pile of books and was scrabbling around to pick them up. “Oh! I’m so sorry! Let me help you!” Clara bent down and put the last book in his arms. As they got up, a huge smile spread across his face which puzzled Clara. “Going on holiday then?” Clara was a bit taken aback until she realised the suitcase was a big give away. “Uhh yeah – America for three weeks…well it was nice meeting you.” The strange man smiled again. “I bet you’re going to have a great time Clara. See you around.” It was only a few minutes later when Clara was in the taxi did she realise he had called her by her name and she was sure she hadn’t introduced herself….  
I am Clara Oswald. I'm 23 and I'm a nanny. I can't bake a soufflé, I'd love to go travelling and my Mum died when I was 16. But that's all I am - but I think that that’s enough.

**Author's Note:**

> I wrote this the day after The Name of the Doctor at 6 in the morning so it's more of a feelings mush than anything but I thought someone would appreciate it. Comments, kudos etc. always appreciated!


End file.
